Why don’t you just fuck?

In our last blog, we talked about some of the more common questions we get from our swinger friends about why we enjoy kink so much. This question is far and away the most common.  So in this blog post, we are going to take this question on and dispel some misunderstandings. Hopefully this will begin to help you better understand some of the potential relationships between sex, swinging, and kink.

Sensation Play

This is a great question, and worth discussing.  First, let’s introduce a potentially new term… Sensation Play.  No matter what you think when you think Kink or BDSM, ultimately, all of those behaviors are about experiencing something very different than what you normally think of as sex, but in a highly charged sexual context.  As such, the PHYSICAL part of that is about experiencing new physical sensations, in that highly charged sexual context.  

There is a lot there to unpack. Whether you are talking about a little spanking, a little hair pulling, a little pinching, or a little rope… the feeling, the experience itself, is neither sexual, or unusual. Many of us have been spanked, or at least had our ass slapped.  What makes it kinky, and hot as fuck, is putting it into that sexually charged context. And so right from the beginning, we want to begin to plant this idea about what Swinky is all about… Sensation Play is a great starting point. Simply think of it as trying something new, where the point is to experience a sensation that is not normally part of sex, and make that sensation part of your sex.  

And the answer is…

So with that said, back to the question, Why don’t you just fuck?  The answer is, because, for a variety of reasons that we will discuss over time, the addition of interesting, kinky, slightly perverted, taboo sensation play is amazing foreplay; And for some people, is enough to fulfill their immediate sexual and emotional needs, even without the fucking.  So as foreplay, it is awesome, and as an experience all its own, it can also be awesome.

And that is JUST the physical part of it… now, let’s talk a moment about the emotional and mental aspects.  So you have some play partner, you have hooked up at parties for quite a while, you know each other well, you love playing together, and life is great.  Then, one night, he says “Can I tie you up and spank you?” and you say yes. Now first off, the trust, and intimacy, and respect that go with letting someone do that to you is amazing.  Seriously, you are potentially putting your life into their hands… and doing that tells them you trust them immensely. As a top, that is the most emotionally and mentally rewarding thing that could happen.  And for the bottom, to go through that experience, not sure exactly what is cumming next… the anticipation, the excitement, the suspense…and then, to feel the new sensations, and try to process them, and put them into context… the head rush that comes with that is astounding.  Then, you get to carry that heightened emotional, and mental state, into the act of finally fucking… and that is HOT!!

So, why don’t we just fuck?  We DO fuck… just, not right this second.  🙂